Feeling Short of Breath: Come Breathe Again with O’Shea
My Testimony
Seated one day at work, I felt the power of the Lord upon me. The Lord spoke into my spirit, “Child it is time for you to tell the world your story.” With my father speaking that into my spirit, I admit that I am a victim of child abuse, molestation, and a victim of domestic violence.
My biological mother had a nervous breakdown when I was two years old. I was in foster home from the age of two up until I turned twelve. I had the most loving foster mother that any child could have. I was happy, until the courts came knocking. The courts awarded my mother with custody of all her children. I lived with my mother and two other siblings for one year, until she relapsed and began to abuse me. Once again, the courts took me away from my mother. My cousin and her husband was award custody of me. That is when the child molestation began. The molestation occurred from the age of thirteen until I was sixteen years of age.
For years, I suppressed what happen to me. I would pray and suppress, yet I always felt empty inside. I met the father, of my oldest two daughters. Shortly thereafter, the domestic violence began. I began to ask GOD why I was even born. The abuse was over bearing, I could not take it any more, I went home one day and told him I was leaving. He told me that I was not leaving him! To enforce as well as add more definition to what he had stated, he placed a gun to my head and said; “If I can’t have you, then no one will!” The Lord stepped in, and blessed me to walk away without harm.
I later met the man of my dreams, and we got married. Our union felt complete and blessed, with the birth of our baby girl.My husband was quite a charmer, and gentleman in the beginning. Then things began to change. The abuse began again. He became addicted to drugs while at the same time I became addicted to him. I left this man so many times, but at the end of my high, I found myself back in his arms for a fix. Each time I went back, the abuse worsened.
Finally, with a trunk full of courage, I moved forward and I relocated and I and started living the life that I longed for. At least that is what I thought. I hadn't heard from my ex- husband in three years. Then one day he calls telling me he wants to see his daughter. Me being the woman that I am, I took our daughter to see him. I felt that I had it all together. Oh how wrong I was. Before I knew it, I was back in his arms again. This sad episode played on for twenty years!
Finally, I said no more, no more! I fell to my knees crying out to GOD. Next, I then set out to seek professional help. I wanted to live a normal life without the abuse. While going through therapy, the therapist explained to me that I was addicted to my husband. I quickly told her that I disagreed. It’s called denial! Moreover, as the sessions continued, her explanation of addiction parked itself, right in the front of my mind. You see I felt that I was a strong woman, who was able to overcome life obstacle with grace. I didn't do drugs, gamble or drink uncontrollably. I always had control of my actions in my mind. I was in a deep state of denial.
I started comparing my marriage to a person that was on drugs or alcohol. I often heard that a person that does drugs is always chasing the feelings that they got when they first got high. Finally, I came to the realization that the therapist was right. My mind was trained to think that one day; he would be the man that I first fell in love with. Thank the Lord for divine intervention and my therapist!
Today, I am free from my past and I feel complete! I am truly blessed in the fact that through all the abuse that I endured, the Lord kept me. I am still standing! The Lord has blessed me to live a new life, free of abuse. I am so happy that I can honestly admit that I truly love myself! I am the owner of Aminia Books and Publishing Company as well as the founder of Breakin the Chain. An organization erected to help fight Domestic Violence. Both are located in
I would like to say to any man or woman who is in or has been in an addictive relationship, you CAN overcome it! I am living proof that it is possible. Just like being addicted to drugs, the first step to recovery, is admitting that there is a problem! From there, the healing process begins. So often, we as African-American women do not believe in seeking professional help, but it is time to wake up. With prayer and professional help, you can, Breathe Again!
